Luke’s $10k A Week Blog

No, it’s not a role-playing game, but close. Being charismatic is that magical quality that makes it easier to make and keep friends. Here are eight good ways to boost your charisma.

1. Mirroring

   Mirroring is when you copy another person’s mannerisms, movements, and facial expressions. It has a way of making them feel more comfortable with you, because in mimicking them you naturally begin to feel what they feel. Most people naturally mirror each other in normal social interactions — but when done consciously this can work to an even more powerful effect.

2. Remembering Names

   Everyone is impressed when you use their name. From the store clerk when you read their name tag, to the old acquaintance who you remember from a long time back. A particularly good strategy is to use their name straight away when you first meet them. “Nice to meet you, John!” — “Thanks for the great information, Robert!”

3. Being Interested

   Everyone is interested in themselves and what they have to say. It’s human nature. If you display interest in what a person is saying, it will give them a sense that you have something in common. Interest can be cultivated actively — ask questions, probe deeper if you don’t understand something. Combined with mirroring, this can be very effective.

4. Allowing Them to Talk

   Asking questions that display interest is good, but it is important to be willing to listen to the answers. If you’re constantly obsessed with getting your own point of view across, the sincerity of your interest in hearing what they have to say will be in doubt. Practice shutting up and listening (while still showing interest) until they quit talking or ask you a question.

5. Intention

   Intend to get to know the person better. There’s nothing like a conscious intention to do something, to get it done. Much of our lives we do not completely intend to do things we think we would like to do. We may think we want more friends, but fail to intend to actually make friends with a particular person. Visualize the person as your best friend, and you will have a much better chance getting to know them.

6. Offer Help

   It is particularly pleasant to recieve an offer of help from someone. We are self-serving beings, with a built in survival instinct — so we are drawn to those who seem most able to help us. It is therefore a real charisma-booster when we offer to help others. In doing so you give the impression of being someone they can look up to and trust.

7. Smile

   Each time you see someone smile, your reflex is to smile back. The more genuine the smile, the more genuine the response. Likewise, if you can genuinely smile at others, it leaves an instantly positive impression on them, as their instinct to mirror your mood kicks in. The beauty of this is you can practice this anywhere — even on complete strangers.

8. Authenticity

   All of these techniques work by themselves, but authenticity will enhance their effect greatly. The most charismatic people are the most authentic. They know who they are, and are comfortable with that person. If you are authentic, you have nothing to hide. The more you practice this one, the higher quality your relationships will become.

This list was inspired by 8 Keys to Instant Charisma from Think Simple Now. Thanks for the ideas, Tina Su!

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1. 7 Ways To Recover From A Slump

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under personal development. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.